Things not to ask adoptive parents

Do Not Say These Things To Adoptive Parents

If you happen to meet adoptive parents of your child’s friend or parents who adopted kids in your friend’s circle before asking questions or saying something think twice. Sometimes you might cross the boundaries when you ask something about personal life of the parent and adopted kid. Or you might make statement that could hurt their feelings. Here are few questions or statements you should never bring up with adoptive parents.

·         You don’t have your own kids? Could you not conceive?

Adopted kids are not less than own kids. These parents are working hard to bring up the kids after adoption and might be working harder than you think. It is none of your business whether they could conceive or not. You don’t need to know that. 

·         Lucky you don’t have stretch mark, no breast feeding or you did not experience labor pain

You never know what those parents would have undergone and what they went through to get pregnant. Fertility treatments could be harsh both physically and mentally.  If you talk  about stretch mark, breast feeding or your labor pain with these parents, it is insensitive and could remind them the grief they went through.

·         Why did you adopt from other country?

It is again none of your business. It is personal choice and probably it was easy process to adopt the child from a different country.

·         Do you know the religion of the child?

Why child’s religion matters to you when the parents are not concerned or given any thought about it? Does it make any difference to you? Think about it.

·         Where are original parents? Will they visit the child or can come back?

Some matters are very sensitive and should not be asked. It is left to adoptive parents to disclose such matters to adopted child when they grow up. No one else need to know about it unless the parents willing to say. If child hears such question or comments, it could lead to untangle lot of emotions after you leave the place.

·         Telling child, you are lucky to be adopted.

You don’t want to put a seed of fear that could grow and cause mental issues for the child. Child might hesitate to mingle and start suspecting adoptive parents.

·         Did you pay for adopting the boy and how much?

If you want answer, contact  the agency that helped to adopt. It is not like buying item from shop. What matters here most is, they adopted the child and are happy.

·         If this does not work out, you can at least send the child back!

They adopted child because they want child and not to send child back. It is not defective toy to return. If you are not doing it for your own child, why to put such thoughts or even ask such questions with parents. It is known fact that, adoptive children some time will exhibit challenging behaviors, may need special attention because of the background and trauma they went through. Child is part of the family now and is precious for the parents.

·         Don’t spoil the child, don’t give what they want, discipline is important.

Let them first enjoy of being new parents. Hold onto your suggestions for some time. They may not have experience but will learn eventually.  If the adoptive parents, ask your expert opinion then give suggestions.

Do not cross the boundaries. Do not behave as if you know everything about the adoption and adopted child. Help the adoptive parents to bring up the child. Be a part of their celebration and happiness.

Image credit: Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay (Free for commercial use)


Author: Sumana Rao | Posted on: August 4, 2021

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