Parents compare their kids when they are into same hobbies as others, subjects, sports, school or what skills other kids have mastered that ours still haven’t and vice versa, and many parents even compare their personalities.
When you talk about your child with others please remember to stop comparing your child. Otherwise, you are doubting your child’s own pace and abilities.
This is because:
Every child has his or her own interests: Just as we adults have our own hobbies and pastimes, so do our kids. Children differ in their interests and therefore expend effort on those that they enjoy.
Every child has his or her own skills: It is so easy to forget your own kid’s amazing skills when one compares their shortcomings to others. Human mind always looks for something that they do not have and it is true with their kids too who may lack of some skills.
Every child has his own personality: Accepting kids for whom they are rather than comparing their temperaments is important for child’s mental growth.
In a scale if you want to measure where your child fits in, then remember there is a wide range of normalcy, and all the weird stuff your child is going to do fits within that normal range.
So, how parents should control their attitude towards comparison?
- Know your audience: Keep your compliments restricted to elders of the family. Brag about your child with grandparents, uncle and aunts. Outside that list with friends and acquaintances use different style specifically in a matter-of-fact manner. For example, just say my daughter began crawling at 4 months and do not brag about how good she is crawling.
- Find a creative way to say it: When people are exchanging their worries do not bring something negative up front. Instead for example talk about your daughter and just say my daughter was not walking until 14 months and now she is.
- Be sensitive: Be sensitive about someone’s accomplishment. If your child stood first in the class and you want to share with your child’s friends mother then say this semester my child did well and again do not brag about how much he or she scored and how excellent the your kid is.
- Learn without comparing: Share your child’s problem wisely and get advice from friend. If your friend has not shared about a problem, which is faced by his/her child and your child is also is facing this fresh problem then approach it wisely. Never say things as if I heard your child had this problem or like your son, my son also has this problem. Just ask the person “do you know or have you heard about this problem”
- Give tips to parents: If someone’s child is not started talking and using grunts and whines and if they seek your views do not show that you are proud of your baby who started talking at age of one. Instead, give them tips. For example, many times child’s communication skills develop using simple sentences and short words. Tell your friend to use two short words that helps them to communicate like :”Milk or chocolate milk”? Or “apple or orange” Or ” pink or white”? Etc. Kid will pick one word out two words.
- Compliment: When someone shares their children achievement, do not give up your children in front of him or her. First listen to what they are saying, compliment their children and then compliment your children too.
Remember these facts about your child or any child:
Every child is special
Every child is special in his or her own way. If your neighbor’s kid recites numbers easily at the age of two, look at your child who may be always smiling, laughing, hardly cries and with an attitude of an angel. It is a gift and is special too. It does not matter if your son cannot read as quickly as his brother can. He may be good at sports and appreciate that.
Any child can shine; encourage the effort not the outcome
Parents almost never admit their child is average to others, and secretly keep hoping they spot some hidden talent somewhere that will prove how special their child is. Remember the scale factor-In a scale if you want to measure where your child fits in then there is a wide range of normalcy, and all the weird stuff your child is going to do fits right in the middle of that range.
Let your child know he is exceptional, treat him like people not objective
Most parents long to believe that their child is gifted in some way. Instead of constantly telling everyone how your child is smarter than everyone else is, just believe it, and let your child know that you think he is special. That is more important.
Let your child find his own strengths & focus on child strength
Do not push your child too hard to do well academically. You should certainly encourage him to study and to strive to do the best he can. If you were excellent in your studies does not mean that your child should be too. Academic performance is not all-important. Teach your child good values and to be a good human being and other things fall into place.
Comparisons worsen the situation: Compare your child to his own better qualities
It is always better, you speak to your child directly and work with him to improve his performances, than admire such other child aloud with the hope that your child will give attention to it. Children mind is very fragile and your act may turn into disaster. Find your child’s hidden talent and encourage it to shine.
References:
http://sleepingshouldbeeasy.com/
http://www.becomingminimalist.com/compare-less/
Image credit: Photo by Regine Tholen on Unsplash (Free for commercial use)
